How I'm Feeling About The 'Big Move'

It's funny, really, how my emotions are all over the place with this upcoming move.

On the one hand...I'm leaving this:

Hills, snow, leaves, beauty.

But I'm going to a place that looks like here
and here

So it's hard to be disappointed or upset about the move, exactly.  Our new home will be a lot more rugged, less agricultural.  More remote, a smaller town (less than 1/4 the size of our current town), and there will be fewer options in many areas of life.  There's one grocery store.  One.  I scroll through the Go.ogle maps of the area and scan for stuff to do...and when I find something I hoard it to myself.  There's a playgroup.  Only one, but it's something.  There's a library.  It has a children's storytime.  I treasure these things - they mean a lack of complete isolation.  Especially in the winter.  It might be impossible to get to the city or even another town in the area once winter really hits for a week or more at a time.  When the hydro goes down, I have no idea how long it will take to get hooked up again.  I really know almost nothing about the area - but I remind myself that I knew nothing at all about rural New Brunswick before I moved here.  I'll learn.

The church is preparing for us to be in the pulpit on the 1st of September - which means that there are only 35 more days until I'm home in the evening, having sat through that first service, probably putting the children to bed right about now, looking forward, no doubt, to an evening full of packing.

Perhaps this sounds ungrateful, but I know myself, and I know that I'll be terribly homesick right then.  Right Now Amy knows 35 Days In The Future Amy so very well, you see.  And so I've already started planning things for those first few difficult weeks.  A few small trips, just the children and me, and some interesting stuff to look forward to.  A trip to Toronto in November, with any luck.  Visitors in December, because we won't be able to travel over Christmas again as long as David is in ministry.  I'm prioritizing the internet - along with hooking up the phone it's the very first thing I'll be doing.

But in the meantime, I'm here.  This is the time when it's almost impossible for me to Be Here.  Be Present.  Be Right Now.  I strain forward and hold on to the past with a death grip.  Neither is healthy.  So if you're looking for me, I'll be in the basement, packing, and simultaneously really happy and terribly sad.