Seven Quick Takes - March 29th

1) It is time to buy bathing suits.  I want to say I'm having anxiety about this but upon further reflection it's actually closer to a sort of floppity apathy.  Like a fish.  A big ole bathing suit wearing fish.

2)  Here's the issue with bathing suits.  It is the ONLY BATHING SUIT ISSUE.  All other issues stem from THE bathing suit issue.  And this is it.  Are you ready?  Bathing suits are too small and too expensive but the ones that aren't too small are uncool and the ones that aren't too expensive are still too small.  That's it.  That's the whole problem with bathing suits right there.

3)  I mean, do I want to wear this?

Link, in case you DO want to wear this.

 Well, no, not especially.  I imagine there is a small market for such garments.  Actually, you know what?  Maybe I do want to wear this.  Then I could just shave my legs up to my knees.

4)  A few years ago I left the bathing suit purchases until the last minute and was faced with exactly what you might expect, except worse.  Strangely, one store had a suit that could fit me, and I bought it.  It was red.  Well, I mean, it still is red.  Because I still have it.  It has a halter top that detaches to make the whole thing strapless which...bahahahahahahahah!  Sniff.  Ah, that was funny.  Also it's red.

And it has ruching (spell check is insisting this is not a word but it's the little fluffily bits on the front that are all wrinkly) which I think designers must assume all women want at this point.  You either want a bikini or fake wrinkly fronts.  That's what on offer, ladies.

5)  And this year I decided I made it too easy on myself previously and so I went shopping while also watching my children tear apart a clothing display!  Hurrah!  I grabbed two suits, went into the change room, decided I didn't want to take my clothes off so stood depressingly in front of the mirror holding the suits up to myself, chose the black one, and bought it.  The cashier told me I could return it within something something amount of days but frankly I like to keep clothing that doesn't fit me in my wardrobe so that Marie Kondo has someone to dislike.

6)  The suit I didn't bother to try on does fit me but ALSO is very entertaining because it has some sort of modesty encouraging chest padding situation going on that I was unaware of.  Except the padding MOVES.  It's very amusing, as you might imagine, to be readjusting one's suit constantly.  I can just picture the peaceful beach days now.  Also it has jingly jangly bits hanging off strings on the sides!  And I already lost one in the dryer!

7)  There's no possible way I can wear the jangly weird chest suit to family camp, and the red one is starting to show its age.  I'm going to need to buy a third bathing suit.