Needs for the Baby

Yesterday marked 35 weeks of pregnancy.  I know a lot of women (myself included with my first child) who call 37 weeks full term, and therefore the ‘possible end point’.  These are the same ladies (again, I was one, too) who count the days, and are always telling you they ‘think they might go early’.  My son was 10 days late, and only arrived after two days of induction, so I think it’s safe to say he wasn’t ready and neither was I.  My daughter was born as the clock turned to 15 days ‘past due’, in the early hours of the morning, again after induction.  So...I don’t have these mystical early babies.  With this pregnancy I have zero expectations of early babies, or on-time babies, or really babies period at this point.  I’m sore, and I’m tired, and it’s only really just hitting me that in a few weeks I will actually have another child in this house.  And that’s okay – I’ve gone through the motions of sorting baby clothes and washing them all and hanging them on wee little hangers.  I’ve set up the bassinette that both of my children slept in.  I’ve washed an overnight bag, and last week I tossed a bag of newborn sized disposable diapers in the cart at the grocery store.  I’m fairly certain I have diaper cream somewhere in the house, and if not, well, whatever.  Unlike the last two end-of-pregnancy times, I have no bottles; there is no back up to nursing anymore.  I have no nursing cover, I think I’ve lost all the important parts to my fancy baby food processor and I’m fine with that.  It’s taken four years but I’m confident that the things I have are the necessities – if the baby was born right this second, I would be fine.

I’ve seen several posts about the absolute must-haves for a new baby, and most of the posts are from moms significantly more with it and together than I am.  Moms of many children, moms of multiples, moms of multiple littles, etc.  So I’m not entirely certain that I have anything to add to the conversation – but I’d like to write it all down for posterity so I can remember for myself.  And if there is ever a baby #4, I’ll be able to tell you that half of the stuff I have here is useless as well.

1)  A way to carry the baby that isn’t your arms.  I have used a stretchy wrap for both of my children so far, and it’s been invaluable – the brand is Monkeywear (it’s Canadian made) and has washed and tumble dried its way through four years, so I can assure you it will stand up to rough usage.  With Samuel we also had, oh, all sorts of other carriers – a sling, a S.nuggli, what have you.  I used nothing except the stretchy wrap.  We also have a Beco butterfly (a soft structured carrier, rather like an Ergo, except made in North America) and a woven wrap, which I am still getting used to.  But that piece of stretchy wrap fabric has saved my sanity many a time.

2)   Diapers.  Cloth or disposable, your choice.  If I was your best friend and you asked my opinion I would say buy a box of disposable diapers, maybe two, for that first little while.  Even if you want to use cloth.  Even if you own cloth.  Even if you are strongly, morally, determined to use cloth.  Buy a pack of disposables, especially if this is your first baby and you aren’t firmly in the ‘actually, I realize how much work and effort and grossness will be involved in the post partum period’ camp.  As far as disposable brands go, my theory is to buy the cheapest ones you can and if for some reason they don’t work you can always try a more expensive brand.  Cloth diapers are their own universe. 

3)  A car seat.  You can borrow it or buy it, most bucket seats seem to start around 5lbs and have a little infant insert that goes around the baby to cradle them in the seat.  We didn’t have a car for the first two babies, but we still bought a seat because you never know when you’ll need to transport the baby somewhere.

4)   Some large and small squares of fabric.  We own two Aden and Anais blankets that are huge and work wonderfully to swaddle a baby, drape over yourself if you need a nursing cover, mop up a ridiculous episode of milk being thrown up everywhere, become a blanket on the grass in the summer, toss over the backs of two chairs to make a shady tent, stand in for an emergency towel...you get the idea.  I carry one with me everywhere.  For small squares I use thick organic cotton squares that are almost a mix of felt and heavy flannel.  I believe they were intended to be inserts for wool diapers, but they’ve always been burp cloths, emergency face wipes, etc.  A few small cloths and a big one should live with you always.

5)  Wipes.  Does anyone actually live without these?  The ‘mom I have to pee but the bathroom is out of toilet paper’ situation alone would make me never leave the house without these.  The only suggestion I have is to buy a decent brand name, because the really cheap dollar store type wipes are not worth it.

I think that’s it, really.  There are nice extras of course, and I think it helps to remember that the things you need will change with each child.  For example, with Samuel I needed a breast pump, and I haven’t needed it since.  When I had Clara, I suddenly and for the first time needed a stroller to be able to go anywhere with a newborn and a 25 month old without having to worry about Samuel dashing into traffic while I carried the baby, or what have you.  With this baby, I’ve discovered that I can’t get by with a standard size of car seat in the back of our small car, and because of that an extra narrow car seat was suddenly a necessary purchase.  Neither of these things would have been must haves until I actually needed them.

Also, a lot of things that seem to be must haves for other people have just never been that for me.  Diaper bags come to mind in this category.  I have lots of cloth bags hanging around, or backpacks, or, I don’t know, the trunk of the car.  I don’t need or want to buy ANOTHER bag.  In fact, any one-use item is likely to be unnecessary.  And some of the things you’ll want to buy are actually more of household items then baby specific.  Ice cube trays, you’ll want more of those if you plan to make baby food, an umbrella for your porch table if you hope to sit outside with the baby while the other children play, these are not really baby items.