Anyway, I was reading the other day and for some reason this came into my mind. And I've been trying to untangle why that should be. Often this happens to me; I will have a flash of insight but then no real understanding of the bridges to get there from here, and then it takes a while to figure out the tangles and side roads. But I have a thought about what this flash might have been about.
We are not just the ones who need to forgive, but also the ones who need to be forgiven. If you look around your life and all you can see are the people who have wronged you and who you need to forgive, then you haven't recognized the many ways you have undoubtedly wronged others and need to ask for their forgiveness. I think we're hardwired in a way to tend towards feeling upset and hurt; I know I am. Christians, as much as the rest of the world, seem to spend a great deal of time being offended and upset about things and hurt by the thoughtlessness of others. And yet, how many times do we look around the room and, not seeing someone who has recently offended us, cast out from our minds the possibility that we were the one who hurt another?
I think a regular, careful examination of our conscience is important, yes, but even more than that I think we need to cultivate the habit of seeing something through another's eyes and imagining the other person's life and how that might affect their behavior. I have been working on this myself, and I assure you it is a truly awful and horrible and also useful and fruitful way of going about apologizing.
- Has someone been upset with you, and you have justified your words and thought "I don't need to apologize". Have you even considered apologizing? Can you imagine a world in which you did?
- When you think over your interactions with others, can you come up with a variety of ways in which you've been hurt, but if pressed to think of ways in which you need to be forgiven, you draw a blank?
- Does forgiveness always mean you forgiving another?
- Have you said "please forgive me" as often this week as you have thought "I'm upset at so-and-so"?
Of course, we have ultimate forgiveness of our sins from God alone, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't seek forgiveness from our earthly family.
"Therefore if you are offering your gift at the altar
and there remember that your brother has something
against you leave your gift there before the altar.
First go and be reconciled to your brother, then come
and offer your gift." Matt 5:23-24
The Bible has a lot to say about you forgiving your enemies, but of course God won't leave it there, will He. We are called in Matthew to reconcile ourselves to our brother if he has something against us. Not if he has something against us that we agree with, or that we recognize as an issue that needs resolving, but if he has something against us period. If he's upset about something and you disagree with it...you are still required to show up and attempt to reconcile, to work it out, to apologize, to be better.
One of the reasons why we don't think of needing to be forgiven is self-centeredness. We can see our sides of things, but rarely can we look through another's eyes. Another reason is pride; no one wants to say they are sorry or listen to another person's side when we feel so much as though we are correct. Another reason is simply ignorance - we don't even notice that we need to be forgiven and just bulldoze over others. There are more, of course, there are probably infinite reasons why we don't seek forgiveness, but they pale against the other side, which says, quite clearly: God Says Do This. And if we are His followers, then that is enough.
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