I have no idea what I'm doing.

I'm so overwhelmed by life that I think if I don't just decide to post blog entries they are not going to happen.  I don't want to stop writing this blog, I don't.  I need to get past the feeling that I have nothing to say and am anxious and stressed.  I will not explain all the ways in which I am failing as a mother and a person and a Christian.

This week marks the, what, the second week of homeschooling S.  He's in preschool level stuff, but I'm already noticing that he's so far ahead in terms of numbers and drawing lines etc. and not doing letters well at all.  I would like to improve our school time together and do crafts and such, but honestly that is just not going to happen right now so we're doing workbooks.

All I do, every day, is try to keep my head above water.  That's all I do.  I wake up and I listen to the crazy happening around me and I breathe and I work on feeding people and making sure my children are wearing clothes.  I'm always one thing away from losing it.

And I've decided to cut out sugar from my diet.

I think mostly the issue is that I can't catch my breath - we have guests and then they leave and then there's a baptism and that's done and suddenly there's an event and okay now we have a potluck and then guests again and someone's birthday...I know what I'm describing is life, but it's just harder right now.

Some of the time I'm frustrated by things that just Need Doing; a dedicated person and just some time without ANY children would solve these issues - like getting my bangs cut, mending the hole in my sheet, cleaning the oven, buying furniture polish...I can't, of course, because I always have a child with me.  Even one child is too much.

Baby Clothes

Today is Friday, and Friday was the day I had set aside for dealing with the baby clothes.  First thing in the morning my friend showed up and we got to work - 4 huge totes of clothes to deal with in front of us.  I thought that things were bad, but I didn't realize the disorganization we were talking about here.  One bucket held only boy clothes, but the other three were a mix of gender and sizes, and it was awful.  I don't know how long it took us to sort them into piles, and then to put each pile into a separate labelled bag, but right now it doesn't look as if any space has been saved at all.  It will, though, when phase two:  The Storing Of Baby Clothes takes effect.  In the meantime I handled the huge pile of clothes that had somehow gotten stained while in storage.  While we watched tv I used stain remover on them and then ran them through a wash.  A few got better, but I'm trying again by soaking them in Oxyclean and hot water.  I'm about to go and run them through another wash and see if that does anything.  And I've hung up the nice clean ones, and I think I have enough so as soon as these come out of the dryer I'm done.

That's all I did for the baby, but it's taken all day to do, and my list of tasks I still need to finish in the next few weeks is much, much smaller.  I have a list to take to the store and fill, I have to make some freezer meals...generally speaking I think the big stuff is pretty much done.

I'm 34 weeks on Sunday and I'm glad to be ahead of the game.