Absolutely Hilarious Things from Amazon To (Please Not) Buy Your Children For Christmas

I am currently spending all my free time trying to buy some blasted Christmas presents on the interweb.  So I have seen a L.O.T. of stupid kids' toys.  And if I have to suffer through the intellectual downfall of humanity, I'm taking you with me.

Caveats!  You know the drill.

1)  It's all from Amazon and I don't want to continue to write the word 'Amazon' so I'm telling you now.

2) These are funny because...well, you either get it or you don't.  Don't tell me how you bought this thing and actually it is a wonderful gift.  Please.

It's always nice to start out the list with a little mild autopsy.  I like how there's no attempt to make any of this look even sort of accurate, too.  "Just dangle those kidneys there, Barney.  Who cares!"

Ah yes, the undead.  Classic gift.  With a parasol and a fishtail ballgown at that.  Wait, and top hat!

I actually have no idea what the heck this is.  Sort of Jem and the Holograms meets a unicorn?

I just really liked how someone painted happy little faces on this toy.  Can you imagine the mental state of the person whose job this is?

It's....EVIL ELSA.

From the description: 

"Become the owner of your very own screaming goat with this desktop companion. Press the tree stump button to hear the high-pitched bleats that caused the screaming goat sensation to go viral. Kit also includes a 32-page illustrated book of fun facts and trivia about these famed farm animals."

I swear.  I just.  I mean.

Although surely it's a one time gross game right OH MY GAHHHHHHHH

DOES a unicorn poop out genies and squirrels?  This is what you end up asking yourself at 2am.

That teapot be like "Just put me out of my misery"

Not terrifying at all!  Perfect for all ages!

What...HAHAHAHA...What is happening with this TOWEL?