Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Hospital Bag Packing

I’m packing a hospital bag.  Well, to be more specific it turns out I’m packing two hospital bags because something something and it all sounded logical to me at the time and now I’m too lazy to change it.  I’m too lazy to change almost anything these days, honestly.  I sat down to clean the bathroom last night.  And then I sat down again to pack some clothes into storage.  I went outside to watch the children cover themselves in mud, and I sat down.  People are starting to comment on it.

Humour me with a bit of whining.  When I sit, my back hurts.  When I stand, my feet swell.  When I lie down I get heartburn and leg cramps.  So then I stand up, and I have to pee.  So I go to pee and suddenly I’m exhausted from the effort and decide to just change the toilet paper roll and go back to bed, except when I crouch, I get stuck.  Yesterday whilst crocheting I got a cramp in my arm.  In my arm.  Not a ‘oooo, cramp’ but a ‘ AAAHHHHHH HOLY HANNAH MY ARM MY ARRRRRMMMMM’ cramp.

So pretty much I am a delight to live with.  Who knows how the family is managing it all.  David bought me a cake and I sat and ate half of it while watching Gypsy Weddings or whatever that show is where the girls all 
get tans all the time.

You want nice baby news?  Well, she’s head down.  Although that could change.  And all is well with both of us, except that I’m very large.  I think I must be the biggest I’ve ever been.  Ah well, who cares.

Today we take Clara to get her inoculations updated, which should be horrific.  And I’d like to buy more cleaning products because I am hoarding them for some reason.  And then go to the stitching group and leave David to manage everything all by himself.  And come home and eat something premade from the freezer.  Perhaps those little chicken wrapped in bacon things.  I should clean out the fridge except that I really just did, and I’m rebelling against the fact that it appears to need it again.  Why should I have to do these things that God has given me to do?  

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Baby Loopy

The baby is 'due' in 30 days.  All I can think about is this baby.  Not in a 'Oh wow, a snuggly amazing baby!' way, just a never ending constant loop of baby thoughts.  This is what the inside of my head looks like right now:

Do I have everything for the hospital packed?  No, I still need to bring shampoo.  I should buy shampoo.  Am I really going to use it, though?  Those little tiny hospital bathroom stalls and touching the walls.  Maybe I'll shampoo at home instead.  Right.  So I should bring shampoo.  Wait.  Did I decide not to bring shampoo?  Forget it, come back to it, what else do I need.  I need to make some freezer meals.  I'm too tired to go find a pen.  Let's look online.  Oh but first I should go pack some shampoo.  No, I'm not bringing the shampoo, okay.  No shampoo.  What else.  Freezer meals.  No, I'm too tired to go look for a pen.  Let's finish one thing first - hospital bag.  Right.  I need clothes for me.  I should buy pajamas.  Okay I need to go start a list.  No, that means I need to find a pen.  Maybe I should nap first, THEN find a pen.  No!  Focus!  Oh my word why am I having another baby.  Okay, okay, breathe.  I need pajamas and shampoo.  Possibly.  Oh for heaven's sake just pack the shampoo already.  Right.  And pens.  Maybe I should PACK pens.  Do I need to buy pens?  No, no, calm down, we're not talking about pens.  This is too hard.

So, that's that then.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Giving Away Clothes, Having Huge Babies, Gardens

I have this very nice friend upon whom I unload all of my children's clothing once it gets too small.  The problem is that her son is under a year, and my son is four, and so the clothing is, of course, WAY too big.  She still graciously accepts it, but I feel a little bit awful giving it to her just because, well, who wants to store clothes for years in their basement?  Not me.  Noooooot me.

I just made a huge bag up for her of pjs, all sized 2T to 4T, and I'm thinking of leaving it on her porch so I don't have to hand it to her sheepishly.  Maybe this is a sign that I need to stop with trying to find 'good homes' for hand-me-down clothing and just shove it all in the donation boxes for thrift stores.

What I don't have is someone to take the too-small little girl clothes yet.  Although most of those I tend to keep since my daughters will be 25 months apart, so likely will wear the same sized seasonal clothing.  This is what I'm telling myself, anyway, in order to avoid having to make emotional clothes-removal decisions.

*****

Ways I can tell this baby is going to be huge:

1 - The heartburn in this pregnancy has me starting my THIRD giant bottle of extra-strength Tums.  Third.  I've told myself that this is because the baby is so big it's squishing all of my internal organs, including my stomach.

2 - The baby has progressed to doing that flopping movement where it feels like a huge, fat, BABY is moving in you, rather than a tiny fish, or a parrot.  No little foot motions, but, like, A BABY.

3 - I'm certain that she will be at least as big as her siblings were.  Samuel was 8 lbs 7 oz and Clara was 8 lbs 6.25 oz.  I've gained a bit more than with those pregnancies, and I'm attributing it to more baby.

4 - I'm a pessimist.

******

I keep going outside and puttering around doing garden stuff.  I have no clue what I'm doing.  Last year's garden was a total disaster, and we moved at the end of August so I didn't get a chance to enjoy any harvest we might have had.  This year I've started a bed of sunflowers, sweet peas and zinnia along the front porch, and a large window box of johnny jump-ups and pansies.  Last fall I transplanted some chives and rhubarb, and they have both come up and seem to be sort of doing something, so that's encouraging.  And a nice parishioner brought me a big bucket of blue lobelia and what I think are geraniums, so that's on the porch as well.  That's it.  But I have lots of seeds and I'm not done yet.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Prayer.

I've finally found myself defaulting to prayer in a raw way again.  I tend to vacillate on this issue, and it really is an issue.  Some days (or weeks, or months) I'm fantastic at it - I rely fully on God's grace to get me through life and I see the results from that reliance.  And then some weeks (or months, or seasons) I'm terrible at it.  I cannot fall backwards like that silly trust building workshop game tells you to.  I cannot close my eyes.  I simply cannot step out.  And I don't quite understand why, except that I know intellectually that so much sin is rooted in the same old, same old.  Pride, Self-reliance, all the way back to the garden.

This week, I have made a concerted effort to focus on several larger issues that I needed to address.  With one exception, I feel as though they have all been dealt with on some level by God.  The relationship that was awkward and faltering has been patched together, the situation that caused great anxiety and way too much in the way of 'what ifs?' has been neatly answered to everyone's satisfaction.  The constant stress of baby preparations have dwindled until I can barely remember half of what I was so worried about.

And if you live a Christian life you are thinking two things right now.  The first is this warm, glowy sense of "Oh how wonderful, God answers prayers, she's at peace on all of these topics, life is good, my prayers will be answered as well, lalalala!"  The other thought is...

"But what about the prayer that hasn't yet been answered?"

Indeed.

Isn't that just like me.  And maybe you, what do I know; I assume other people are like me although I have no reason to think that.  For we seem unable to dwell with God forever on this earth - our lives constantly bring us to a point of comparison.  She has more than me.  He has this thing that I want.  Why can't I be at peace?  Why can't I eat that apple?  Why don't I get to decide?

Because we'd fail at it, that's why.  The same way my son would soon die of malnutrition if his meal options were entirely up to him.  

I will continue to pray for this issue to be resolved.  For it to take itself off of my mind and stop weighing me down with it's constant drone.  I will pray continually although it may not be answered the way I want it to be, and then I will pray for that, as well.  And in the meantime, I will remember that the best relationships require communication, and that God will listen when I speak.  

Needs for the Baby

Yesterday marked 35 weeks of pregnancy.  I know a lot of women (myself included with my first child) who call 37 weeks full term, and therefore the ‘possible end point’.  These are the same ladies (again, I was one, too) who count the days, and are always telling you they ‘think they might go early’.  My son was 10 days late, and only arrived after two days of induction, so I think it’s safe to say he wasn’t ready and neither was I.  My daughter was born as the clock turned to 15 days ‘past due’, in the early hours of the morning, again after induction.  So...I don’t have these mystical early babies.  With this pregnancy I have zero expectations of early babies, or on-time babies, or really babies period at this point.  I’m sore, and I’m tired, and it’s only really just hitting me that in a few weeks I will actually have another child in this house.  And that’s okay – I’ve gone through the motions of sorting baby clothes and washing them all and hanging them on wee little hangers.  I’ve set up the bassinette that both of my children slept in.  I’ve washed an overnight bag, and last week I tossed a bag of newborn sized disposable diapers in the cart at the grocery store.  I’m fairly certain I have diaper cream somewhere in the house, and if not, well, whatever.  Unlike the last two end-of-pregnancy times, I have no bottles; there is no back up to nursing anymore.  I have no nursing cover, I think I’ve lost all the important parts to my fancy baby food processor and I’m fine with that.  It’s taken four years but I’m confident that the things I have are the necessities – if the baby was born right this second, I would be fine.

I’ve seen several posts about the absolute must-haves for a new baby, and most of the posts are from moms significantly more with it and together than I am.  Moms of many children, moms of multiples, moms of multiple littles, etc.  So I’m not entirely certain that I have anything to add to the conversation – but I’d like to write it all down for posterity so I can remember for myself.  And if there is ever a baby #4, I’ll be able to tell you that half of the stuff I have here is useless as well.

1)  A way to carry the baby that isn’t your arms.  I have used a stretchy wrap for both of my children so far, and it’s been invaluable – the brand is Monkeywear (it’s Canadian made) and has washed and tumble dried its way through four years, so I can assure you it will stand up to rough usage.  With Samuel we also had, oh, all sorts of other carriers – a sling, a S.nuggli, what have you.  I used nothing except the stretchy wrap.  We also have a Beco butterfly (a soft structured carrier, rather like an Ergo, except made in North America) and a woven wrap, which I am still getting used to.  But that piece of stretchy wrap fabric has saved my sanity many a time.

2)   Diapers.  Cloth or disposable, your choice.  If I was your best friend and you asked my opinion I would say buy a box of disposable diapers, maybe two, for that first little while.  Even if you want to use cloth.  Even if you own cloth.  Even if you are strongly, morally, determined to use cloth.  Buy a pack of disposables, especially if this is your first baby and you aren’t firmly in the ‘actually, I realize how much work and effort and grossness will be involved in the post partum period’ camp.  As far as disposable brands go, my theory is to buy the cheapest ones you can and if for some reason they don’t work you can always try a more expensive brand.  Cloth diapers are their own universe. 

3)  A car seat.  You can borrow it or buy it, most bucket seats seem to start around 5lbs and have a little infant insert that goes around the baby to cradle them in the seat.  We didn’t have a car for the first two babies, but we still bought a seat because you never know when you’ll need to transport the baby somewhere.

4)   Some large and small squares of fabric.  We own two Aden and Anais blankets that are huge and work wonderfully to swaddle a baby, drape over yourself if you need a nursing cover, mop up a ridiculous episode of milk being thrown up everywhere, become a blanket on the grass in the summer, toss over the backs of two chairs to make a shady tent, stand in for an emergency towel...you get the idea.  I carry one with me everywhere.  For small squares I use thick organic cotton squares that are almost a mix of felt and heavy flannel.  I believe they were intended to be inserts for wool diapers, but they’ve always been burp cloths, emergency face wipes, etc.  A few small cloths and a big one should live with you always.

5)  Wipes.  Does anyone actually live without these?  The ‘mom I have to pee but the bathroom is out of toilet paper’ situation alone would make me never leave the house without these.  The only suggestion I have is to buy a decent brand name, because the really cheap dollar store type wipes are not worth it.

I think that’s it, really.  There are nice extras of course, and I think it helps to remember that the things you need will change with each child.  For example, with Samuel I needed a breast pump, and I haven’t needed it since.  When I had Clara, I suddenly and for the first time needed a stroller to be able to go anywhere with a newborn and a 25 month old without having to worry about Samuel dashing into traffic while I carried the baby, or what have you.  With this baby, I’ve discovered that I can’t get by with a standard size of car seat in the back of our small car, and because of that an extra narrow car seat was suddenly a necessary purchase.  Neither of these things would have been must haves until I actually needed them.

Also, a lot of things that seem to be must haves for other people have just never been that for me.  Diaper bags come to mind in this category.  I have lots of cloth bags hanging around, or backpacks, or, I don’t know, the trunk of the car.  I don’t need or want to buy ANOTHER bag.  In fact, any one-use item is likely to be unnecessary.  And some of the things you’ll want to buy are actually more of household items then baby specific.  Ice cube trays, you’ll want more of those if you plan to make baby food, an umbrella for your porch table if you hope to sit outside with the baby while the other children play, these are not really baby items.


Sunday, May 18, 2014

On reading Proverbs, feeding cats, etc.

Last night was the second this week to end in nightmares for me, a sure sign I'm agitated about something.  I don't go in for dream analysis, but under the circumstances I can't help but pick the dream apart again and again.  Why do I do this, when I know perfectly well that the root cause of it is worry?  And furthermore I was up at 4:45 this morning (I would like to say FOR the purpose of bible study, but let's not kid ourselves) and I read this:

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge"

in Proverbs, and oh of course today is that day - the day you read something that directly applies to you.  Reading the Bible is sometimes a case of just endless Levitical laws or someone droning on about something you have no interest in and then all of a sudden it isn't.  I know I should search for meaning in that which holds no interest for me, but when I come across something that does it really is easier.  And it resonates all day.  And clearly this is all about me.

On a totally different note, my cat that had to go to the vet this week came home with a moderately clean bill of health but with the admonition that we put him on a special diet.  An expensive special diet (is there any other kind?) that is, naturally, ONLY available at the vet and will cost roughly $80 a month.  The cat and I had a little chat on the way home, but he is warm and sleeps on my feet and I'm a huge sucker for this animal and so I bought it.  Naturally he detests it deeply and we are locked in a battle of wills.  I'll win, because I have the unfair advantage of thumbs and being larger than he is, but he's putting up a good fight.


Friday, May 16, 2014

Baby Clothes

Today is Friday, and Friday was the day I had set aside for dealing with the baby clothes.  First thing in the morning my friend showed up and we got to work - 4 huge totes of clothes to deal with in front of us.  I thought that things were bad, but I didn't realize the disorganization we were talking about here.  One bucket held only boy clothes, but the other three were a mix of gender and sizes, and it was awful.  I don't know how long it took us to sort them into piles, and then to put each pile into a separate labelled bag, but right now it doesn't look as if any space has been saved at all.  It will, though, when phase two:  The Storing Of Baby Clothes takes effect.  In the meantime I handled the huge pile of clothes that had somehow gotten stained while in storage.  While we watched tv I used stain remover on them and then ran them through a wash.  A few got better, but I'm trying again by soaking them in Oxyclean and hot water.  I'm about to go and run them through another wash and see if that does anything.  And I've hung up the nice clean ones, and I think I have enough so as soon as these come out of the dryer I'm done.

That's all I did for the baby, but it's taken all day to do, and my list of tasks I still need to finish in the next few weeks is much, much smaller.  I have a list to take to the store and fill, I have to make some freezer meals...generally speaking I think the big stuff is pretty much done.

I'm 34 weeks on Sunday and I'm glad to be ahead of the game.