It's only defeat if you don't do anything.

So tonight, with any luck, I am meeting one of two possible mother's helpers.  I really need a girl to come over and be an extra set of eyes and hands in the house during the 'witching hour(s)' of about 4ish to 6ish.  This is just before the baby's bedtime, and right in the middle of trying to cook/eat supper, start baths, etc.  It's this period of time that makes me craziest during the day, and hopefully someone to lend a hand will just give me a little boost over the hump, and once the baby is down for the night I am more than happy to manage the rest of the evening alone.

My dear friend Martha mentioned to me that hey, my Christmas tree should still be up, because you don't take your tree down until Ephipany!  Yay!  I am not slovenly, I'm just pious.

Church today...I went for Samuel's sake, not my own.  He loves Sunday school so much.  I'm really struggling to figure out what to do about his increasing interests and activities.  If there was a homeschool co-operative in the area that offered something....but there isn't.

Okay, may I speak frankly here?

This is completely a concern that I have about my homeschooling attempts and not in the slightest an opinion that I think in any way directly relates to how anyone else schools their children.

I'm getting a little concerned that I'm going to become a homeschool 'coasting parent'; not really actively pursuing the absolute best in every avenue, but instead sort of managing to do the basics and then collapse from exhaustion.  This is partly a concern that stems from being in a difficult season of life, I realize that, but I do think it goes a bit deeper than that.

Samuel has needs right now that I worry are not being fulfilled entirely.  He needs more exercise than I'm giving him, and less screen time.  He needs more interaction with other children besides his baby sister, and I have seen first hand how quickly he picks up skills and information that pique his interest - and yet I can't really explore those to the full extent that I think he's capable of.  Some of the reason for that is just that I don't have the resources available to me to do an excellent job - I don't have a car, so field trips are limited; I don't have a huge income to draw on to purchase all sorts of interesting activities, etc.; I don't have family nearby to watch Clara while Sam and I do a 'big kid' activity; I don't have a husband who works a set schedule so that I can plan outings...etc.

However, even if I did have those things, I feel like there are still some gaps.  I can't possibly give him 100% in all areas because 1) I have another child who also requires 100% and the two of them are in completely different stages.  2) Let's face it, I am not superwoman, I can't learn everything there is to know about dinosaurs and rocks and clouds and Toy Story and cowboys and dogs and why there are four stairs on the back porch and the street sweeper.  3) I'm not interested in all of those things.  So I naturally gravitate towards doing stuff with Samuel that does interest me.  Which is all fine and well but I'm going to end up with a master baker who can't do any math.  4)  I have other stuff to do.  I have a house that needs to be kept clean, clothes that need to be washed, dishes, food prep...I'm overwhelmed already.  If I had a cleaning lady, and a personal secretary, and a chef and a nanny, then perhaps, but as it is?  No.

So this is where I am, and you can see my concern, right?  And for the record I don't think that the solution is putting him 'in school'.  Institutionalized schooling has it's own set of problems, but they do have two big pluses that make their models work.  The first is that because there are many teachers to draw on, there is a bigger pool of direct access knowledge.  What a set of parents (or one parent) has difficulty imparting fully, several educators can do on a much broader level.  Even if, as in elementary school, a child has only one or two teachers, those educators have other educators to rely on.  I have only myself.  If a teacher is sick, a supply teacher comes in; if I'm sick, we all watch Disney for 12 hours.  If a teacher has a difficult student or a huge class or whatever, she gets a classroom helper or an education assistant; I don't.  If there is a problem with a student, then someone else disciplines in another location, not the primary teacher.  If a subject is beyond the scope of one teacher's knowledge (such as music, or another language) then the child goes to another teacher.  Do you see what I mean?

The other advantage to institutionalized education is that it offers the parent a break.  If my curious, active, excited almost three year old is out of the house and in someone else's care for several hours, then theoretically I can 1) Focus my attention on the remaining child entirely, giving them a better foundation of learning.  2)  Be a better parent when the older child returns, because the 'other stuff' was done while he was away.  At the moment, beyond naptime, there is no 'while he was away' time.  He is never away.  He is always right here, needing me.

That leaves us with this problem.  Now, I know a lot of people who have solved this problem by utilizing a daycare or a home babysitter.  Even if the parent is a stay-at-home parent, on certain days the older child goes to a sitter's house.  They play, eat lunch, nap, whatever, and during this time the at-home parent spends one-on-one time with younger siblings, or cleans, does meal prep, etc.

Another solution is the one I'm currently using, which is that Clara dictates our schedule almost entirely.  We stay home or very close to it most days, Samuel has little outside time because Clara hates her carseat, stroller, sled and snowsuit, the majority of our 'activities' are home-based small crafts, and when I need 'child-free' time I either wait until everyone is asleep (by which point I am usually exhausted myself) or else I occupy Samuel with something that will keep his attention while I deal with whatever I need to - usually this means screen time or a short-term activity like playdough or painting.

Obviously there are other options, but these are the two 'big ones'.

Clearly, what I'm ending up with here is exactly what I'm worried about - a child who isn't exercised enough and isn't given enough social interaction.  I know, I know, I detest the words 'social interaction' as well; I think they're bandied about waaaaay too much, but in this case, I think they're accurate.

I'm trying to decide now if at this point in life it would be beneficial for Samuel to have another location to go to once or twice a week.  Not often, just maybe two mornings.  He loves Sunday school very much, and I can see how much he enjoys playing games with other children and such, and in this house that doesn't exist because his only playmates are a stressed mother and an eight month old.  I don't want to put him in 'daycare' per se, because I don't feel like just sending him to someone else's house to essentially do what he does here is the solution, but maybe a playschool program?  A twice a week morning playschool?  I told myself I'd never do this, but I just don't know what other solutions there are.

I'm open to suggestions.